Stanfordgirl

I am a little hurt, and a little unhappy. I need to stay away from Bryan for a little bit. But don't don't break up. I have to freaken work. All I think is how to get my keys. How to go and get coffee. I am confused. I am also smashed by commitments at work. Just relax about your commitments. Send these two emails about the survey. And you are good. In the evening - work on 1. Wei data 2. Wei presentation Don't think about food and physical enhancers. My day, my life is 1000 times better than Aza's. I enjoy steady and good life with a lot of people who love me. Sky is the limit. Work is nice. Monday is nice. All is really good. Send these two emails. Then get your keys under your control. Clean super nice. And then do lots of errands. Finish them nicely. Go focus on other people, and cool…

This weekend was a heck of a weekend. Friday I spent at Azamat’s helping him to move. It irritated me a little that I had to sacrifice my day for him. But it’s not the case. In fact it was all good. In the evening, I went and stopped by Bryan, then went to the Space show. The sun will die one day. What does it mean? Then I nicely went home and stayed at Azamat’s and listened to the videos, and had fun. I stayed not sleeping till 3 am, in the morning I texted Bryan, and he came to pick me up. I spent a little time at his place and we went driving with Ira. Again I felt like is being taken away from me. In general I felt disoriented because I wasn’t sleeping home. Then Bryan and I went to his place. There we had a very passionate time, we kissed and he was big. I loved it. Then we went shop…

Sunday 11/20/2016 I am flying back from my vacation in LA. I am completely blown away with fun and great time I had during this vacation. It was very very relaxing. One thing to note – I will take one day more for vacation next time. It was overwhelmingly good. I now should remember this amazing time, and really work. Do not have big vacation until you get your promotion. So thoughts from my Kellogg trip: - Get yourself a second job – babysitter, lyft, experience provider, gmat tutor - Find yourself a mentor – very soon – in the organization and outside - Go to meetups to meet guys – fast and soon, very soon - Volunteering, decide very fast where are you going to concentrate your volunteering activities – donate money to robotics challenge, or get another volunteering- reputation activity…

Sunday 11/28/2016 I am flying back from my trip to San Francisco, that I consider fiasco. It was Nelly’s birthday, and I ma not really getting lone with her, because I think she is inconsiderate, not educated, and quite boring, not strong enough for my taste. Of course, I love her. I like the fact that my friends are loyal. But we have very different ideas of fun. I also met my friend Orion, and got a feeling that he is going downhill, maybe I hope I am mistaken. He said he is not the most ethical person. If so, what am I. Those are the questions I am actually okay now. Why? Because the trait that really distinguishes me apart from the rest is my willingness to go further than anyone else. I am will go to very far extent to achieve my goals. My goal is to take a company I founded IPO. Tha…

I am at work. Tomorrow I am taking off.

I will be sufferer or beneficiary of my own choice. Now all good with Bryan. Afraid, because it can turn bad any second. But it won't. I don't have expectations. and the worst is gone.

Ira is right. he is not ready for anything. Is not ready to work on the relationships. When he is going to be completely not-marketible. For now doesn't look like he is ready for compromising and working on things.

Ada

yes, I really want to be with Bryan. It's not easy fall out mode- that I have no other things to do. It is more than that. I have a lot of friends , and even a friend home, who might be in love with him, and who will listen to me, who will give thoughtfull and loving advice. But I want I don't want to tell him all. I want to go and tell it to Bryan, because it is hard. There is a desire to be understood and loved. The fun part of this relationship - is random result. Like gambling. You open the refrigerator door, and sometime you see a candy, sometime you see nothing. But you will pay to open it. And you suffer when you loose. It is addicting. I am experiencing gambling addiction to Bryan. My answer to his asks is always yes. His is sometime yes. sometime no. I am trying to figure out the…

Autumn, and things going bitter with Bryan. No hope for me. I thank God for giving me this feeling of love. I know I confessed that I am in love with him very early. It didn't change things. I am experiencing love of my life. Very strong in a way. I only now realize that you don't joke with love. It is simply more powerful than you. Can you hijack love? I really liked the guy when I was 19. But it wasn't deep at all. It was a couple of nasty dates, then not so. I lived for 6 years with a guy, I didn't feel like loving. We had a lot of great, mind blowingly firework time. I liked chocolate, really liked him. He had his ideas, his principles. I would do everything to be around him. I was ready to be a aktobe wife. I would've stopped loving him by now. Now I am experiencing intense, emotiona…

October 26th. I let you in my space, and you don't know how to behave in it. Even writing this words makes me feel weak and in pain and yes angry.

What does it mean? He wrote me a letter today, saying that he will meet Mei, but it was troublesome because I change my plans all the time. He will commit to it, and he has his whole week in anticipation, then I change my plans and it sucks.

He wrote me kind of implying that he doesn't trust me. And it's better to not to meet me, rater than being fooled and worried about me. It's true about both men. My father and B.

My father is an old case. And I let it go. there is nothing you can do about it. When I receive letters like this from him, I don't want to see him either.

I promised I will do everything not to hurt him.

Bitter