trip from San Fransisco
Sunday 11/28/2016
I am flying back from my trip to San Francisco, that I consider fiasco. It was Nelly’s birthday, and I ma not really getting lone with her, because I think she is inconsiderate, not educated, and quite boring, not strong enough for my taste. Of course, I love her. I like the fact that my friends are loyal. But we have very different ideas of fun.
I also met my friend Orion, and got a feeling that he is going downhill, maybe I hope I am mistaken. He said he is not the most ethical person. If so, what am I. Those are the questions I am actually okay now. Why? Because the trait that really distinguishes me apart from the rest is my willingness to go further than anyone else. I am will go to very far extent to achieve my goals. My goal is to take a company I founded IPO. That’s a goal. How do I find guidance? So I don’t worry about the means, I do worry about the results. I trust myself.
Now during this trip I realized what it means to be around people who have small dreams. Small achievement – wow, I have a okay boss. I am disgusted with people like this. I like the hero’s journey. I am disgusted with financial advice talk. I am a very bright child.
Okay, I wanted to write about Bryan. It is clear that his communication style is going to hurt me. He told me that I will have to use fork to it my steak. He is talking like a person who is hurt a lot. Like a bleeding animal. Strong, but bleeding animal. He is confident. He is trying to be. Ah, he is a good guy. He told me it discoyrages him from taking me to nice places – places like Vido, because apparently I am not good ith fork, or not trying to be good with knife. Well, I realized I am not good with fork, and I am not using it. It made me self causious. And I don’t like it. I don’t see a strong incentive to change my fork- knife use. His comment pretty much killed my desire to use it properly. I want o cry when I write about it.
Another comment that I need to write here is – he said – I’ve been exposed to many more cultures than you. You have to adopt to the cultures. He is right. I adopt in a different way. Perhaps more bonding and understanding way. I listen. I love personality, I love people their dreams values , worries, hopes, delights, and driving forces behind them. Knifes, I do not think I consider it priority at all. Let me et with my hands. He hinted that he is superior to me when it comes to cultures. It is ridiculous to compare to compete about it. I don’t want to hear – I’ve been exposed to more cultures, therefore I can teach you. If you want to teach me , you have to build trust as a aulofyed teacher. The teacher I will trust is the one who is sure that I will succeed, and he will be behind me durint he way. Comments like – you don’t want to try to use knife properly, you are stubborn.
Release your expectations. You are getting into a dark and dangerous zone again. He is just a friend. And all you and him are here for is to have fun, and enjoy minutes hours, and days. No commitments, no hard feelings. No expectations. Don’t try to build or change. Low expectations. If he doesn’t like the way you eat, don’t eat in front of him. If he doesn’t like the way you eat, so you don’t care. Don’t take ir personally. He doesn’t like the way you eat, his problem.
If he thinks he is superior to me. Why would you get offended? There are a lot people who think they are superior to you. You- Ada know that it’s not true. You don’t like to be around people who don’t believe in you. Who think they are superior. If he thinks he is superior. Let him have his badge. If he has a comment about the way you eat. IT IS HIS PROBLEM.
My bf criticizing the way I eat, body shame, other shame problems. It is a topic that doesn’t even deserve a time to discuss with my girlfriends. If I believe he deserves to change my eating habits, my taste, my career or anything, I will do it. He doesn’t deserve it. All he deserves is my time and attention. Because he is an interesting guy, whom I feel connected to, and I will continue only ONLY enjoy my time.