Saturday September 1st 2018

I had a couple sad nights. I would wake up in the middle night thinking where am I going. I would wake up with worry. I am lonely - the thought passed my mind. What is happening to my career; how come I am not dating and not in love, why so many ropes are loose, superficiality, mistakes - these thoughts passed my mind recently. I am saying things - can I achieve them; I have money - am I spending them according my values, am I taking gifts from God and appreciating them and putting them to use. Where is my God ?

During the day - today - I feel good. I am in cafe with B - he is working next to me - sometimes that is all I need - someone working next to me. Someone who will smile to me - when I look at him.

Anyway- I feel very happy here in the cafe- relaxed and present.

I am going to sort out a couple things right now

Open questions:

1. buy a house

2. send emails and intros to Matt

3. where to go with Bayram

4. organize fun time with Z

5. organize fun time with Kate

6. get project together with LI

7. organize the weekend.

8. set ambitious plans and make them come true

9. learn from Ira - power of doing and bias for action

I need someone who is an organizer and someone who is biased for action in my team

What is happening to me? In fact it's evening and I don't feel good anymore. Dear God, why is it happening? Why I have such a negative reaction to non-conventional relationships. It feels as if it scratching my core - it hurts me. I don't want to be part of it.

My job is half way figured out - now I need to prepare for Lean In - it is going to be awesome.