March 23

I am at work. I was sick all these days. After I took Aza to the airport, I felt drained, sick and didn't know what to do anymore. I am more suffering these days. But as Meru pointed out - suffering cleans out the soul, and sickness cleans out the sins.

I am better today. Every morning I feel a little better. I feel better from sickness perspective. I really hope I will have a date today.

I remember in cafe Zanzibar I very vividly realized that everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be very good, that I will be happy. If I do  get into b-school, if I won't I still going to be very and confidently happy. Part of the reason was coffee, part of the reason was the fact that I have Zoli's back and shoulder, always. Always, have my angel.

I am having coffee now, and kindof feeling the old feelings. When it was cold, it was Chicago, I will be doing taxi, and finding a little bit of time for myself to dream to write. I always liked writing. Because I love myself.

Yesterday, my dad and I watched "tv", we watched pictures of Astana and Almaty. I realized that if I went there and saw my home in almaty, I would've looked at B situation differently, I would've let it go.

There is someone who really suffered because of me. He texted me I didn't answer, he went to see me, he came to see me in my friends' house, he brought me gifts, he wrote me all the time, he forgave me for being slow in answer.

There was someone who cared about me.

Now I am  at work, and I need to focus on my work. I will focus on it, I will crunch the numbers very well. I don't expect myself to be very