Decemebr 9th

Yesterday was an exceptional day. Feeling excited and scared, I jumped into a bus that took me to the city of angels. I easily found a Starbucks that was next to the office where I had a scheduled meeting. There I dressed, put makeup and made a research to make sure I properly prepared for the upcoming meeting. I scheduled this meeting two months ago. I did not know what to expect. Since I wanted to meet, I was suppose to prepare for the meeting and lead it, but also a person I was suppose to meet was a lot older and more experienced than me. So to me it was a challenge.

Who is the person I was about to meet? Put it simply, he is a hero for me. I had goals, such as making sure we will have another meeting, a collaboration opportunity; that I showed myself as a professional, super smart, and interesting person they would want to work with.

The office was beautifully white with butterfly decorations. The conversation went not the way I planned. Now when it's over, all I know is that I need him.

I freaking need him and I don't know how to get him. I am asking the sky to bring him to me.

We couldn't find the common ground, because the conversation went not the way I planned. The sequence of my questions went to the highway. I didn't put it clear what is the goal of the meeting, and we just started a conversation. I tried to go back to accomplish goals I put in front of myself before the meeting, such as prove or disprove my hypothesis about whether women tend to choose less risky more gather, rather than hunter businesses; to see whether women have certain biases, and so on.

What I found is that he didn't want to hear about women shortcomings and roadblocks, he looked at the situation from a dogmatic, his own only point of view. That is what distinguishes brilliantly successful people from mediocre successful ones. Will I be able to publish this?

He looked at the entrepreneurship from the angle of destiny and determination, from realizing your Carma or not realizing it point of view. If you are determined that this must happen, you will make it happen. Doesn't matter women or men. If you sit here, and you are not crazy but you are determined that this, whatever idea you have will happen, must happen, you won't realize anyone around you, you won't hear people around you, you will go toward it and universe will determine whether this is to happen, but you are realizing what you internally know you must do. You have to look from the third eye.  then you are unstoppable, and I believe that you are unstoppable. When talking to him, I saw that he is unstoppable. Might look a little deterministic, dogmatic, naive, stubborn, perhaps closed, unopen, but hey wasn't my father just like this. I believe in destiny. If this carma hasn't been realized on my father's side, it certainly will on mine.

That is unbelievable because, I cry every time I think about our conversation. What does it mean? Why does it touch me on such a profound level. When I am crying I am living, I feel the life in full in it's core, touching it's bone. What is it?

After our conversation, I ate, went to a nearby coffee shop and sitting there started listening to lana, an suddenly cried. A bold gentlemen, probably someone who had a chemotherapy passing by me, stopped by, touched me gently and said I was beautiful. I realized that. I realized that in this pose, in this clothes, with this hair, with tears on my face, in that particular time I was beautiful. I was not shiny, but profoundly beautiful, with my inner self aligned with my outer. I was deeply happy and deeply devastated at the same time.

The paranoid survive or equanimity survive?

I can certainly be paranoid, when touching him I see an edge of equanimity. Once in along time didn't I feel that everything is going to be alright. For four years I didn't have this feeling that everything is just going to be so good. I felt that no matter it is already damn good, and it can only be even deeper good.

We talked about womens' strength. Women are better story tellers, women show their vulnerability better. Vulnerability connects. Women are more resilient, dependible, consistent, empathetic, trustworthy and team orientated. All the things you need as an entrepreneur. What women need to learn is how to communicate with men:

Don't just be in the room, but own the room. You not only belong to this room, but you OWN this room.

People in this room should be happy they are here to listen to you.

Conviction, more presence. Couple bright illustartions: Elon Musk doesn't see anyone when he works on his batteries. He know that this just must happen.

Yes, women might have a more balanced bell curve, might be not after big but risky ideas, and overall are most likely to give more consistent return. If in men's worls, 1 out of ten will survive with exceptional exit, in women's world 9 out of ten will exit, perhaps not so brilliantly. But what is happiness. Do we need to disrupt things to make it right? Women are gatherers, not hunters. But what about "Make no small plans as they have no magic to stir men's blood"?

There is equanimity between stimulus and response. And most interestingly, the car racer that is going so close and must speed up, might die, but that is the only way towards the victory. He does so, and let's the destiny to manifest itself.

What he also wants to see more in women entrepreneurs is financial literacy. When investment banker looks at his model, he is damn sure about it. When women have financial models they are full of assumptions, and then they are not sure about them. They are not opinionated.

Let the destiny manifest itself. Be unapologetic-ally confident. Be determined.