December 25th
Christmas day - B just left angry and not willing to fight for me. He refused to ask a hand from my dad. It's all the way I want to be - it's not the way it works here in America. It is all difficult. It's not what he wants - he wants to do it his way - hang around with me, play with me, sleep with me, get to know me.
Maybe it's too much. I need to learn to live without Bryan.
He is an amazing in cleaning and helping out. He doesn't want to bring my dreams to live. We don't have the same dreams. He says wealthy billion dollar people know how to leverage their personal lives too. I will disagree - these people are unbalanced. I will be looking towards unbalanced. How do I survive, and not only survive but strive in this time. His loves me his way - he loves as much as he can - he doesn't love me the way I want to be loved, and he won't try.
How do I deal with it? What's the right way?
Allah, my God, help me.
When people love each other they change. Neither myself nor him are willing to change - we don't truly love each other. It's not selfless, it is selfish.
He is not willing to share my pain and my struggle - it is what it is.
I wanted to be with him because I got excited about the idea of going to life coach together - about talking about me - about me being admired by him, about introducing him to my Seattle friends like Alicia and Ash. He is a manly man - he would charm them. I liked that Margarita said hi is good looking. I liked that Dina is rooting for us.
I myself Ardak Kussainova feel as if my wings have been cut - like I cannot dream and accelerate with him. I feel bored when he talks, and I want to engage in arguments with him, it takes effort to listen and to pretend I am interested. It feels like waist of time.
I understand him - he just let her in, without thinking of me- then he just decided to lock the door to work. He didn't understand why I would hang up. He doesn't understand. He doesn't have bad intentions - it's not about his work and being independent, or showing me what it takes to control him. He simply didn't know that he was hurting me.
They can be waiting, but I want to live!
His not selflessness killed me
Here are two investment strategies:
1. keep building wealth with airbnb and invest when the market is down
2. invest small amount 50K