December 21st Thursday

Today I came to work early. I spent a night at the new house with my dad. I think an incredible journey is awaiting for my dad in Seattle. I need a teamwork to help me make my father's time awesome. He will feel awesome for sure.

About B - we are going to talk tomorrow - Friday. I talked to him yesterday - he was very very sad, and angry. I felt for him.

My dear lovely, unbelievably sweet and loving B. Someone who actually loves. He is ready to stay with me and love me and take me as I am.

Things that were turning me out - his not fun talk about business - jewelry. His boyish, not thought-out things like - here's how boxing works. His insistence on it is deeper, it is more meaningful. It is much more subtle, for our intelligence level we can do better. His mixed words I cannot understand or decipher. That he doesn't like feedback, and doesn't see value in it. He doesn't like any complain. You hurt me - the answer will be - you are stupid, you are wrong.

I learned things about myself - I really really control freak, I need to know what is going and I need to have a say. If I am stripped off the power- chip jar, I am likely to sabotage the project. Power is my necessity.

If I am not told I am on the way to get promoted - I am afraid I will get fired. I need constant movement - and visibility of me moving towards my goals.