May 12th

Dear diary.

Again in pain, again mind is blowing and cant find the rest and peace. Heart is super bass. This weekend really wanted to fight with Z. What bothers me?

The fact that I am not seeing really cool outcomes. the fact that i don't connect with people. I got angry and don't respect them at the same time scared and misunderstood. How I hope that I will find someone who will synch with me or a company a group of people who will synch with me in every aspect who will go till the end and expect everyone to be this way, who will encourage me to be bold and be principled. I am so lonely and sad because of this. Nobody understands me and cares about my ideals and dreams. Big disappointment.

You are talking very broadly. What exactly do you mean by Really cool outcomes? That I will do this task and will get public recognition or respect, or will progress myself further ahead or will do something that hasn't been done before.

So you are not particularly interested in adding value? Because with advocate I really see that we will add value. With operations and micro I enjoy it, but kinda tired and bored with it. It just needs a lot of time and discipline. As for New Venture discovery, my goal is to start a venture. My team members do not share the same value. hey wanted to have a fun class. Why are you complaining, it was your decision to work on audio news and you knew that it will not be very adoptable. You were scared to proceed with your idea and chose to go with someones idea.

I have also got envious about D and D, and I. I see that I am not truly leading and I see that I have to cover myself, close myself. What is it? I am afraid to lead or to express my point because I see that I will be misunderstood. I also see that i will not be respected. Because my point of view is so different,  and because I don't have will and strength to convince of my point of view.  It is also because I am very emotional and attached to my principles and will be hurt if someone will not support my beliefs. What should I do about it? How can i get used to the fact that people are different and can have different points of views. Why people disagree with you? 1. they don't know about the subject, and you don't want to preach. 2. they lack humanity and connectedness. They don't want to sacrifice their time and effort for someone. It may be sometimes right way to go. 3. They have different goals such as - I just want to enjoy my time.

In fact I despise all these reasons, and cannot forgive people for being shallow, misinformed or selfish.

What do you mean by synch? I mean those who really will be willing to give their power, mind, brain, body and spirit to find the bottom of the question because they respect and care about you.

You cannot respect everyone's dreams and ideas. I hope I would have people around me whose ideas and thoughts I respect and with whom I could have a good synch. This way we will produce the biggest masterpieces in the world.