Learn QazaQ with Borat... Cultural Learnings — Lesson 1

Hi folks,

As everyone knows my home country, QazaQstan, is the best country in the world. Other nations in the top 10 greatest powerhouses list such as the USA, the UK, China, etc. are well behind and are inferior in all respects.

It is my honor to teach people from all around the globe our mother language, QazaQ.

Our language is very advanced and is actually difficult to learn even to the Russian Imperialist invaders and Soviet occupants who have chosen to stay in QazaQstan on a permanent basis. So, we invented 27 000 new words in 2016 alone, with the dictionaries and glossaries to be published very soon, and it is only a beginning, I dare say. Naturally, as the intensive scientific and technological progress, including latest developments in such areas as corruption, bribery and misapropriation, is ongoing in our glorious country, many more new words are yet to come. Thus, the earlier you start learning the majestic QazaQ, the easier it will be for you to keep up with the high pace.

Next year, the QazaQ government will be implementing QazEFLTS. Every foreigner willing to enter, work or study in QazaQstan will have to sit for QazEFLTS to prove he/she* is proficient in QazaQ.

*Girls will not be really required to have high test points if they can demonstrate to the satisfaction of officers good blowjob performance.

Today, we are looking at greetings. It is a historical fact that all forms of greetings originated in the ancient land of QazaQstan.

The one we use most today is salem. The Jews and Arabs have borrowed this fantastic word and deliberately perverted it to shalom and salam, respectively. Perhaps, this is because they have twisted tongues and cannot spell and pronunciate the original word properly. It is my holy duty to correct them and everybody else: salem is how the word has always sounded. The response to this greeting is salem again. Thus the first part of a dialogue is normally as follows:

- Salem, John!

- Salem, Peter!

Then we ask 'Qalaysoon?'. This means 'how are you?'. It is an old tradition to inquire into other people's personal affairs on each occasion. The answer is either jaqsoo ghoy, i.e. pretty fine (QazaQs do not add 'thanks' here), or jaman eken, i.e. so bad. Then, the second part of the dialogue is like this:

- Qalaysoon, John?

- Ohhh, jaqsoo ghoy. (If the things are ok), or

- Urhh, jaman eken. (If the things are poor).

It is a good ethiquette to ask why the things are bad. We use masaghan, ne boldoo? (really? what's wrong?) to find out the exciting details. The possible options that may follow include: 1) auroop kettoom (I don't feel well); 2) aqsha joke, bratan (run out of money, bro), etc.

So, here goes the next part:

- Masaghan, ne boldoo?

- Auroop kettoom / Aqsha joke, bratan.

The closing phrase here is masqara (bad indeed).

Asking about good things is also of benefit: ne janalooq bar? (What's new?). Answers to the question may include: 1) jana joomoos booldoom (I have found a new job), 2) jana qoleeq satoop aldoom (I have bought a new car), etc.

- Ne janalooq bar?

- Jana joomoos booldoom / Jana qoleeq satoop aldoom.

The closing phrase for this is jaraysoon (glad to hear that).

This is all for today. See you tomorrow. Do not waste your time and take advantage of Borat's FREE lessons.

We use sahoo bol to say goodbye.

So, sahoo bol!