Borat's Daily Sensations: Why Russian diaspora in QazaQstan is so stupid...

Salem, my friend! Qalaysoon? I hope you are jaqsoo!

And I hope you have had some jaqsoo soghoo recently and your erkek or ayel are happy this bright morning! And happy ata means happy bala!

Today's sensational issue is dedicated to the thousands of stupid Russian degenerates and idiots that live all across the glorious land of QazaQstan.

To begin with, let me ask the important question why on Earth Russians live in QazaQstan in the first place? How did they happen to find themselves here, many thousands kilometers away from Russia, their historical motherland? Do not they know that QazaQstan is a QazaQ land and all QazaQ lands is for QazaQ people only?..

Secondly, I have to ask another very important question why all the Russians in QazaQstan are so extremely stupid and are such outright degenerates? What's wrong with their Russian brains and cognitive capabilities? Can anyone screen their heads to see what is happening inside of them? Are they empty or simply malfunctioning? After all, there must exist some reasonable scientific explanation for their low intellectual capacity...

Third and last, can anyone of sound mind and good mathematical skills make some arithmetic calculations to find out what is cheaper - to learn 500 QazaQ words or sell all one's possessions and move to an unknown place in Russia driven by the desire not to learn those 500 words? Some calculus will be really helpful...

As an outstanding journalist, I have performed some research. I have polled 10 000 000 people in all the cities of QazaQstan, I looked through the archive reords for the past 250 years, explored the numerous archeological evidences and visited 500 sites of historical events. Based on my investigations, I now strongly believe I can give exhaustive and insightful answers to all of the above three questions...

And surprisingly the answers will not be welcomed by Russians...

All QazaQ people should be reminded that today's Russians are sons and daughters of Russian Imperialist colonizators and Soviet occupants. They came to our glorious land as invaders, they built fortresses all around and turned our pastures to agricultural fields for their crops. Like Yankees with Indians, they sent us to reservations that they called kolkhoz and dag deep holes in our land to extract minerals, they built their schools and libraries and theathres to make us forget our glorious history, culture and our language. They turned our brothers and sisters to shalaQazaQs and manqurts. They have no forgiveness and should be given no mercy for what they have done... Our Constitution shoould be revised to exclude any citizen rights for them and tag them what they are - foreigners.

These foreigners do not have low IQs (well, most of them); it is not their inherent stupidity that prevents them from learning 500 words. The problem in question stems from the in-depth answer to the first question. They have been colonizators in many successive generations and the Imperialist mindset has been inherited by the current generation of Russians. They still think that the independence of QazaQstan is a historical mistake and has resulted from undermining actions of their enemies, the USA and the Jews. Especially, the Jews. If so, QazaQs should have given up the runnings on the Jews. But we have not - and this is because the Jews are not behind the collapse of the USSR. They still hope that the Russian empire will come back as Terminator 1000 some day, that Russia will become mighty again and Mr. Putin will raise the nation from its knees. Perhaps, they are unaware that doggy style is Mr. Putin's favorite position. They are waiting for a revanche and once an opportunity is there they will use it.

And finally the answer to the question 3 is evident. The colonization spirit is so strong in Russians that they prefer to get rid of their homes here rather than learning 500 QazaQ words for daily communication. They are ready to incur financial losses and expose themselves to many other headaches now in hope that very soon they will be able to recover all their costs and expenses by making QazaQs reimburse for them...

We should be very careful with our Russian co-citizens. They are reluctant to learn QazaQ but pretend to be our friends and yet keep claiming more equal rights that they have enjoyed since 1991. Their stubborn unwillingness is not connected with their stupidity, it is their empirialist attitudes and behaviours that hinder their naturalisation.

Now you know the truth, the bitter truth, my friend.

Sahoo bol!