What do you think my origin is? Korean?
Well physically YES. But mentally NO.
Complicated? Well I will try to explain :)
Despite I was born as Korean. This means that my mom is korean and my dad is too. My grandfathers and grandmothers and grand-grand and so on all were Koreans.
At the same time Im not the traditional korean. I mean I don't adhere to all traditions as for example eating and cooking at home korean food (my favorite dish is plof), I don't eat with chop sticks (I can but dont do it at home). I don't know my language. I don't like korean TV shows.
Secret fact is...When Im in korean restaurant all things are unusual for me in the same way as for you:). Since I don't know the rest of the dishes I will not be able to recommend anything. Always saying this to my friends. And they are wondering why I don't know?
But the main reason why I think that Im not mentally korean is I don't understand another korean people. For example my relatives.
In this lack of understanding I mean not the words that they say but how they think.
Usually koreans are strict, closed not emotional people. Im not like that. Im open-minded person, almost never judge others and always interest in other people's opinion. Im extremely positive person. and sometimes because of my life views when I talk with relatives and think about something "Oh! Its so funny!" and try to share with my thoughts. My cousins and aunts answering me"No! It is not". And I don't understand is it something with me. Im so different.
Another fact is my friends. I don't have korean close friends. And honestly I don't know many korean people at all.
So before this spring I was so far away from my origin roots. I didn't have intention to know more about korean things and to be involved in it.
So what happened? Well I fall in love :)
Not with the guy but with country.
It was not my first visit to Korea. I used to come there twice before. But this one became exclusive and so useful for me. I went to the island named Jeju and was living there in a family. Which was consist of man and woman. The same age as my parents. I was helping the woman to cook and to clean and also I traveled around the island. Was watching sight seeing. Was eating traditional food, was listening language. The Nature was wonderful and the air was fresh the strong wind was blowing and also there was the sea. The sand, the shells. Once I was watching at sunset and suddenly realized that I am so korean. And I liked it. I understood at that moment that I like people with whom I contacted, I like language, and food. And the most important I finally understood them I mean how they are thinking. And I felt so warm and happy inside. It was like I know now who am I. I found myself.
When I came back to Almaty I started to learn Korean harder. And started contact with relatives more. With understanding and patience.
I accepted myself.
I wish all of you the same. To be in harmony with yourself is the best achivement