Picking sides: Where do I belong?

zarrina_m 2014 M06 2
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Let me make a little confession. I never was a cool person in any sense, though also I cannot say that I wasn't an outlier or a loser either. Throughout my childhood and now during my adolescence I...

Let me make a little confession. I never was a cool person in any sense, though also I cannot say that I wasn't an outlier or a loser either. Throughout my childhood and now during my adolescence I always try to be a better and take right actions. I try to do my best to not disappoint my parents or family, to make right choices and to be helpful to people around me.

Through my journey of finding myself there were often times when I wasn't sure where to go. On one hand there would be a thing I know I should do and want to do. And on other hand there would be things that I know I should do because that’s what others do or because I want to be liked by someone “cool”. As I do not consider myself as a cool person, it is difficult for me to not make such an assumption about people like me. Therefore, naturally I would be attracted to popular people around me to feel more self-confident. I even have such kind of friends, but recently I came across the thought that maybe I should not be with the people who do not understand me. I like to be active, to develop and try myself in different areas, to take on some additional responsibilities, to help people and I believe that I can change the world by my actions. Some “cool” people just don’t get it! They are too cool and too busy to so stuff like this. I am not sure busy doing what? Anyways I don’t want to write about myself and my lack of self-confidence in some situations though it’s somehow relevant. I wonder when it happened. When laziness, lack of interest in other people and social responsibility became “cool”? Why those who couldn’t keep up with the same nerds at school or were too lazy to help someone made others feel inferior?

Unfortunately, in the society I live now it is weird to not own an iPhone or an account on Instagram. Drinking, smoking and doing drugs are the only ways to have fun. Not showing up for classes, cheating on the exams and still getting a good grade do not bring shame in anyone; moreover it is a reason to be proud. It is normal to say “hi” only when you need a person and other times to ignore. In this society people are ready to make fun of a friend just to be liked by others. How far will we go with this kind of attitude to other? I don’t know.  I’m not willing and don’t have a right to judge. I cannot say for everyone how to behave, but I can certainly say for myself. I don’t want to be cool if being popular means doing things that I do not want and things that just aren’t right.

 

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