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Beat or learn to agree with your child?

The key principles of bringing up the child in a family should be: respect, trust, safety and love.

As we have noticed, young parents have a habit not to show a respect to their kids. It is needed to teach parents : to allow the child to differ from others, not to compare to contemporaries. Such approach will allow the child to realize the person, will give the chance to open, estimate and develop in him the special internal potential, never abuse him and not accuse him in anything. It is necessary to believe that your child doesn't have intention to do something bad. Also necessary concern his mistakes as the help to understand what is still unfamiliar for the  kid in this world. It is necessary to know that children unconsciously make many psychological experiments. They wait a correct behavior from you.

If parents dare to beat the kid don't hope that the child will understand that he mustn’t offend little children or the contemporaries.

Parents should try to show the desirable behavior. Allowing the child to make mistakes, you give the chance to correct his behavior, to study on his own misses and to achieve a success.

If your kid has made a mistake don't remind him the past errors. To preach at any age is inexpedient. Besides, in infancy the child isn't capable to do the logic conclusions, besides, he will be frightened by coldness of the close person.

It is not necessary to shame the kid when he cries, becomes angry or takes offense. If forbid the child, to show his negative feelings, how he will learn to operate with  the emotions? It is necessary to help the kid to identify to his own feelings. It brings up in him self-confidence, responsiveness and arouse the trust to adults.

Don't limit the child in his desires, allow him to want more. Our traditional - «to want  is not harmfully …» forms a narrow vision and meanness of the purposes. Thus it is not obligatory to you to carry out a wish of the kid immediately. With the child at any age it is possible to agree about terms of performance of his desires. Thus, it is necessary to be sincere and obligatory. So he studies in patient expectation of performance of his desires that doesn't prevent to rejoice him what he already had today.

Don't deprive the small person of possibility to refuse on your request. Learn to agree with him, don't order to obey to your authority. If you demand from the kid of humility, his will will become dull and in that case it will be difficult to be preserve strength of will of the child.

To trust - means to give to the kid freedom and space to do many things independently, it means to believe that the child can successfully study on his mistakes.

Allow him to make decisions independently, learn to build relationships where your desires become the decision of the child.

The trust assumes also an explanation, discussion and the right to make a choice. Our children are allocated by the big self-respect, therefore to make decisions for them as naturally as breathe. While the society won't teach them to doubt in themselves, they know well, what they want. They wait from adults the discussion as equals, recognitions of advantages. More often you notice the kind acts of the children, the more they would like to increase merits. What you pay attention on, so you feed it with energy. See only lacks? - You choose what you want to grow up in the kid.

Scientists have proved a punishment inconsistency. The more in a family negative irritants, the less comfort for the child. It is necessary to take care, that the kid grew happy in own house, here and now. Punishment causes the protest from the small person. And if punishment has worked, it means, the child is broken and frightened.

Here one more illustration: the Child refuses to tidy up his toys. It is a typical example which meets in the majority of families. The reasons can be different, but all of them are connected with restriction of freedom of the kid. Instead of creating game conditions, the father decides to intimidate the kid a belt. Unexpectedly for itself the father strikes notable blow, instead of the symbolical. The kid, naturally cries, but next time, only having heard about a belt, catches at toys. The father is happy, the result is available, and what’s the price, unimportant. As a result the kid has ceased to tidy up toys in all other situations – on a visit, at the grandmother or where it was. It had a point, a disease connected with insulting incident. There will require a lot of time and work, to soften his relation to tidy up toys.

Safety won’t increase, if we begin to limit the kid in movement (don't climb there, don't go here). On the contrary, we use any possibility for growing up. Help reach to that top which he has defined for himself. You are afraid, to put the kid highly on a case, because the child will always climb on a case, endangering himself? If you insure it on dangerous sites, the kid will call you at the following attempt to get highly. But if you forbid, he will try to make it without you.

The handicapped children - the raised requirement for love, they need approval very much, support, keenness. It is necessary for them to create conditions for disclosing of the potential possibilities. It is the extremely important to our children to feel protected, loved, after all they have come here to critical times of deficiency of kindness and understanding. Children reorient parents on more good fellowship, paying attention to themselves, the raised requirement for love and participation. If treat strictly with them, they will meet with not clear illnesses and excessive aggression. Thus, they insist on warm attention to themselves. It is possible to help, only having adjusted normal relations with them and with other members of a family and an inner circle.

Permissiveness and excessive compliance from adults, impose unreasonable responsibility on the child, deprive of its protection from more skilled people. Children are simply lost, when it allowed manipulating adults. But they won't refuse from such power.

It is not allowed abusing, it is not necessary to forbid, and permissiveness shouldn't be.

To resolve all, and thus, not to roll down to permissiveness - the true art of mutual relations with children.

The key to a solution – is respect, recognition of advantages. To see in child a complete person, and to develop intelligence.

The correct model of behavior will bring huge advantage and simplification for al. It is necessary to become careful, supporting, loving parents first of all, for yourself, and then children begin to bring only pleasure.

Майра Сулеева Mayra_Suleyeva
31 января 2012, 10:11



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