I am aware that it is very likely that my feelings to him will not transform into something more serious. We will not be together. It is such a bitter feeling. But I cannot do anything- I like him! I just want to smile when I see him. He makes me feel alive. Isn’t it enough? It is just wonderful to know that I can love someone and how this love changes me. I did not know that love can be this real. Even if it is not mutual and even if it is very temporary- I feel it and it makes me shine.
Soul says: please be quiet, let’s just enjoy this present moment, when you feel so much love… I don’t know him well. He is a stranger. But does it matter? I feel beautiful because I have this beautiful feeling inside me. Please do not try to rationalize this feeling. Do not try to understand why do you do like him. Just live in the present moment.
Mind: but nothing will work out! He is just a stranger and soon will be forgotten. Why should you spend your time and energy on him? You better do something more useful.
Soul: please, no! Let this be the moment you’re fully aware of. You’re so alive. Don’t miss this feeling. Breathe it, inhale it, it being: love, life, change, whatever you want to call it. Do not think about the results. Let yourself be a little bit more irrational. It enriches your life, gives more colors. How colorful was it today? Even though the day was rainy? You felt the joy of seeing him. Let it be in your heart!
Spring 2009