What does mean “to love a child”? That means to accept him as who he is, even if he is a handicapped. Love them not for any personal qualities but in spite of everything, as our children love us.
Why we love the ordinary children? Because they can eat well or put their toys on their place after the game, or get the excellent points at school? Suppose, everyone of you will answer “no”.
And also there exist “the love without bounds”. The example of that kind of love can be the story which I will tell you.
In our city lives a family which consists of 4 adult persons (mother, father, grandmother and grandfather) and 1 son-grandson. Child has already reached 2 years but to our surprise he still can’t eat by himself. The reason is the parents and grandparents love him so much that one of them is holding a spoon and another holding a napkin…
It is necessary to notice, the child is very smart and could “conquer” attention of all the members of a family and has learned to control adults. Also he grows in luxury and pleasure, there is no necessity even to speak, simply he has to make some noise and all family will fuss around him. Adults make all that he wants and they understand him without words. Child makes noise “a” and parents bring him water, because they know the child is thirsty. The kid refuses go to the pot, because his first experience was not successful and parents have decided that it is not necessary for him and they have enough money to buy pampers. And if suddenly in the shop mother or the father don't buy a toy, their child falls on a floor, loudly knocks feet and cries. After such "concerts", parents always try to buy everything that the small conqueror wishes.
All life family’s life spins round the kid and his desires. And desires of adults, their needs have already departed for a long time on other invisible place.
Is it a familiar situation? This situation is very familiar to us. Almost every week we face such cases. Practical experience in Center "Kenes" has shown that in the majority of families the situation is how is described above. Parents are often complain that child of 3 years doesn't speak, doesn't eat independently or doesn't ask for a toilet. Thus parents often do not realize that have provoked such situation by the excessive guardianship.
For this reason we explain to such parents how important to love correctly their child. Especially I underline a word CORRECTLY. And what does it mean - «to love correctly»? It means to respect child’s interests, but to ignore his whims.
You have to speak much with your child, explain him everything that occurs round him, and learn to agree with him. Try to hug him not less than ten times a day, but with all love. Learn to think together with the child. Don't depreciate his feelings and experience, give him emotional support. Remember, that for the small person it is necessary to feel safe from unforeseen, incomprehensible and unknown situations. He needs to feel confidence that during the difficult moments he won’t be left alone. If your help is necessary to the child, help him, but do only that he can't do by himself. In process when child will cope with new actions gradually trust him to carry out them independently. If child doesn't ask help, don't interfere in business by which he is occupied, thus the non-interference will express the trust and belief that he will cope with it independently. Encourage aspiration of the kid to independence. Performing together with your child any business, find support and approval words to his diligence. If he has made something wrong, try to correct his mistakes delicately. Don’t make a remark to the child in case if he can’t cope with these difficulties by himself, you will sow indecision of decision making in the future. Accept aspiration of the kid to participate in the domesticities, after all even the small child can carry out simple house duties with the help of mother: to wipe a table, to water flowers, to "wash" the small apron or a kerchief. Let to know him that he is your assistant that you appreciate his participation. Accustom yourself to look at life not only by your eyes, but also by eyes of your child.
Child is the person, respect him!
.0001pt0 pn8h/-US style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ansi-language:EN-US'>Scientists have proved a punishment inconsistency. The more in a family negative irritants, the less comfort for the child. It is necessary to take care, that the kid grew happy in own house, here and now. Punishment causes the protest from the small person. And if punishment has worked, it means, the child is broken and frightened.
Here one more illustration: the Child refuses to tidy up his toys. It is a typical example which meets in the majority of families. The reasons can be different, but all of them are connected with restriction of freedom of the kid. Instead of creating game conditions, the father decides to intimidate the kid a belt. Unexpectedly for itself the father strikes notable blow, instead of the symbolical. The kid, naturally cries, but next time, only having heard about a belt, catches at toys. The father is happy, the result is available, and what’s the price, unimportant. As a result the kid has ceased to tidy up toys in all other situations – on a visit, at the grandmother or where it was. It had a point, a disease connected with insulting incident. There will require a lot of time and work, to soften his relation to tidy up toys.
Safety won’t increase, if we begin to limit the kid in movement (don't climb there, don't go here). On the contrary, we use any possibility for growing up. Help reach to that top which he has defined for himself. You are afraid, to put the kid highly on a case, because the child will always climb on a case, endangering himself? If you insure it on dangerous sites, the kid will call you at the following attempt to get highly. But if you forbid, he will try to make it without you.
The handicapped children - the raised requirement for love, they need approval very much, support, keenness. It is necessary for them to create conditions for disclosing of the potential possibilities. It is the extremely important to our children to feel protected, loved, after all they have come here to critical times of deficiency of kindness and understanding. Children reorient parents on more good fellowship, paying attention to themselves, the raised requirement for love and participation. If treat strictly with them, they will meet with not clear illnesses and excessive aggression. Thus, they insist on warm attention to themselves. It is possible to help, only having adjusted normal relations with them and with other members of a family and an inner circle.
Permissiveness and excessive compliance from adults, impose unreasonable responsibility on the child, deprive of its protection from more skilled people. Children are simply lost, when it allowed manipulating adults. But they won't refuse from such power.
It is not allowed abusing, it is not necessary to forbid, and permissiveness shouldn't be.
To resolve all, and thus, not to roll down to permissiveness - the true art of mutual relations with children.
The key to a solution – is respect, recognition of advantages. To see in child a complete person, and to develop intelligence.
The correct model of behavior will bring huge advantage and simplification for al. It is necessary to become careful, supporting, loving parents first of all, for yourself, and then children begin to bring only pleasure.